| fack |
[07 Jul 2008|10:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Enter Shikari - Sorry You're Not a Winner |
] |
i think i still love her, fuck my life, twat
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Fake a Smile
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| sorry |
[24 Apr 2008|12:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Collective Soul - Slow |
] |
about the lack of updates, a LOT has happened, my contract for my job expires next month, so i went in to interveiw for a new one at a different location with a better salary, and out of the 5 people you submitted a resume, i was the youngest by 11 years, and after my interview, they called me back within 6 hours to tell me i got the job...
....Fuckin Ballin...
haha, ALSO, i've been in this relationship for over a month now, and i'm an oddly happy about it, sure i don't see her as much as i want, but just hearin her on the phone makes me just as giddy, yeah fuck you guys, if you call me a softie, i'll break your TV.
.....A Slight Problem....
with my busy schedule and her odd work hours, my new job will restrict the time i can see her now, which kinda bums me out, but i'll find a way to make it work out, she's fuckin worth it.
...Topic Change...
So i went to fuckin guitar center to find a fuckin partial capo, and the motherfucker at the register there said he has never seen one before, yet he said that i was the second person to ask him....THAT DAY....so i hope they order some
....I love Jesus....
i do
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Fake a Smile
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| heh |
[01 Apr 2008|01:27am] |
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mood |
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happy |
] |
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music |
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Flo Rida - Low |
] |
i haven't been this happy for this long in a long time
shit's finally going my way
feels odd,
but t's actually quite refreshing
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1 Fake a Smile
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| I'm a silly boy |
[21 Mar 2008|02:08am] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Zao - The Dreams That Don't Come True |
] |
with silly dreams....
.....that won't ever come true
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Fake a Smile
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| Somewhere over the rainbow |
[10 Mar 2008|05:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Somewhere Over the Rainbow |
] |
I don't know if it's out of pure depression, or just me being a complete nut, but i have written 3 different guitar versions of somewhere over the rainbow tonight, one for a ukulele, one fingerpicking, and one strumming, but i like them all.
lately i've been getting more upset being aroudn happy people, i don't know if it's because they are too bubbly and it bothers me, or if i'm seriously fuckin depressed.
I've been up for almsot 3 days now i believe, and i'm starting to imagine shit, which is quite possibly the reason i've been wanting to go over this rainbow.
I'm also quite sure there is a medical term, or a psychological term for when you absolutely hate the fuckin shit out of someone, and still be madly in love with them, whatever the fuck that is, i got it. I keep thinking of the dumb broad, no matter what i do, pretty brutal huh? Don't worry i'm 99% sure that i will NEVER take her back haha, just because she's a cunt.
I am rather sleepy, so i think it is a wise time to go take a nap.
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1 Fake a Smile
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| Looking for |
[02 Mar 2008|12:52am] |
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mood |
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lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Between The Buried and Me - Sun of Nothing |
] |
A Pretty Girl:
With Pretty eyes
Who smells Good
With a beautiful smile
Who doesn't mind my few, if existant flaws
Who will want to stay in my arms for hours at a time
Who will lay thier head on my shoulder while we watch movies till the sun comes up
Who i can call at 2a.m. in the morning when i can't sleep just so i can tell her she's beautiful
Who will wear my clothing just for the hell of it
And Has a High IQ
Haha, good luck me finding the perfect woman :) Like thts gonna happen
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2 Fake a Smile
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| Circles |
[27 Feb 2008|11:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Hollywood Undead - Circles |
] |
Take my hand lets go,
Somewhere we can rest our souls.
We'll sit where it's warm,
You say look we're here alone.
I was running in circles,
I hurt myself,
Just to find my purpose.
Everything was so worthless,
I didn't deserve this,
But to me you were perfect.
I'm scattered through this life.
If this is life I'll say good bye.
She's gone like an angel,
With wings let me burn tonight.
I see me writin on this paper.
Prayin for some savior.
Wishin intake her and save her.
In a world so, so godless and thoughtless,
I don't know how we wrought this,
All the love that you brought us.
It feels like I'm killin myself.
Just wheelin myself.
Just to pray for some help.
I'd give it all just to have, have your eternity.
Cause it's all that assures me.
It's worth all that hurts me.
I'd give you my heart,
And let you just hold it.
I'd give you my soul,
But I already sold it.
On that day that day,
The day I walked away in December.
I will always remember.
I'll regret it forever.
I remember brown eyes,
So sad and blue skies.
Turned to darkness and night.
I'm so sick of the fight.
I won't breathe unless you breathe,
Won't bleed unless you bleed.
Won't be unless you be,
'Till I'm gone and I can sleep.
I've gone away,
Seen better times in yesterday, I hurt myself.
It's hard to say,
That everything will be okay, I hurt myself.
I've gone away,
Seen better times in yesterday, I hurt myself.
It's hard to say,
That everything will be okay, I hurt myself
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Fake a Smile
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| fuck |
[20 Feb 2008|08:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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cynical |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Daisybox - Pause |
] |
i'm about to go apeshit crazy, and i hope i do something, really, fuckin, stupid
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2 Fake a Smile
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| Circle Takes the Square |
[20 Feb 2008|06:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 apathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Circle Takes The Square - Non-Objective Portrait of Karma |
] |
Light as a feather, stiff as a stone
Ignorance is bliss no wise woman's failed to mention
and surely some koan suggests 'neglect leads to perfection'
but the more I turn my face from the crowd
the more I feel my backs' increasingly compelled
for the sake of escape, to turn a knife on itself,
a knife of relief, from all the petty insight
and finally I'll sleep, I'll sleep through the night.
Bored as fuck with this street corner-cover.
study of a face in a figure. surveying this language as a game
surveilence of this language as the plague.
the dimension of persistence condemns.
This portrait of karma, crafted in accident
text book seduction, minus the text in the language of ghosts
and so we ran, like the wolves were biting,
the inhibitions of their prey kept them from screaming
"scratch my back and I will stab you in yours"
so I chose to live this life alone, without the teeth marks
but I predict, I'll have to sink my fangs in someone else's heart to heal my own.
just a victim's split, one part for the wolves, one part for you.
but I'll grow weary soon, weary of this fractal code,
weary of this hallway lined with ghosts.
just a scratch upon the skin, a drop of blood to let them in
their words will cause the sweetest fracture from a stone's throw
just a scratch upon the skin, a drop of blood to welcome them
parasitic, viral critics, or lovers, like spirits mingling in the mist
that we crafted, a starving jury, let them eat shit from our trembling hands.
The heat for heat's sake, on this Barnard block of Congress
deductively speaking, the polar of progress
well maybe I put too much faith in the accident
entranced, we danced toward the ripest display of escape
let the starving ghosts feats, from this flesh, from these bones,
let them all feast. In this chess game of language, forced to sit so I play all alone, watch the bathos drift forth like the petals from a wild crafted rose.
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Fake a Smile
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| poison |
[15 Feb 2008|06:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
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disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Lupe Fiasco - Intruder Alert |
] |
Her "feelings" for me are like poison
and i think i'm dying
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Fake a Smile
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| a poem |
[12 Feb 2008|04:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Upset |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
none |
] |
I don't want this life
so take it away
I don't want to sleep
through another day
thoughts of you
makes me want to pray
to good God above
to take my life today
I sit here and suffer
through the anguish and pain
I will only cry
in the rain
where you can't tell
they are tears of shame
it was all my mistake
no one else to blame
I feel I have wasted
all of your time
when you should of had a life
so much unlike mine
i hope you're doing good
because I know i'm not fine
you should have said no when
I asked if you would be my valentine
The way I must go
the way I must die
will be without you
so you wont have to cry
because of so many dreams
and the life that seems like a lie
and after i'm gone
i'll leave you a goodbye
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Fake a Smile
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| Soooo |
[06 Feb 2008|01:31am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Taking Back Sunday - Miami |
] |
I've had a decent week i guess, haven't fucked anyone up.
Not really looking foward to Valentine's Day as usual.
I Need to get back to sleep because i have to drive to Jessup MD for some training by 8AM, DC traffic is gonna fux me up.
I've been playing FIFA 08 Religiously, and i think i need to lay off that crack.
Speaking of FIFA, i bought myself a
I need to shoot more pool too, yeah, i need to keep hustling people, so i can buy more shit.
I have TBS's Miami stuck in my head, fuckin catchy tune
BAYERN MUNCHEN & MANCHESTER UNITED FTW
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1 Fake a Smile
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| Fuck |
[29 Jan 2008|11:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Fucked |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Fuck Music |
] |
Fuck Liars
Fuck Tools
Fuck People
Fuck Work
Fuck Life
Fuck Hope
Fuck Faith
Fuck Luck
Fuck Money
Fuck Bush
Fuck Her
Fuck Love
Fuck Emotions
Fuck Compassion
Fuck Second Chances
Fuck Third Chances
Fuck Fourth Chances
Fuck Relationships
Fuck Immaturity
Fuck Memories
Fuck Thinking
and Fuck Ancient Egypt
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1 Fake a Smile
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| Filthy |
[19 Jan 2008|01:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
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Filthy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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In Flames - Come Clarity |
] |
What an eventful past fuckin week
Eins. My friend's boyfriend died the other day, that fuckin blew, he was a good bloke, gonna miss him.
Dos. I'm about to break this lesbian's fuckin jaw if she doesn't stop running her mouth, woman or not, she has shit commin her way, and by the way her nails are, she's more manly than i am.
Trois. I saw some motherfucker hit a curb, because he tried to cheat a turn in the snow, and watched as his front right tire of his 1985 toyta pickup fall off, good motherfucking game. τεσσερα. I have to come to realize that turning my guitar down 2 1/2 steps (C#) and droppin my E down to a B sounds wicked awesome with 013 gauge strings sounds friggin brutal, it sounds like the 7 stringer i need, but don't want to have. Five. I have signed up to participate in the special olympics, not as a competator, but as a counciler, my uncle is mentally challenged, and seeing that bloke happy is awesome, besides he KICKS my ass in bowling. Zes. My hand that i brightly tore apart by punching a wall is healing well, atleast now i have skin, or what i think is skin, covering my knuckles now. It's fuckin gorgeous. Sette. I got my hours cut on tuesday, so they told me i would only work two days a week. That fuckin SUCKED. Then today, they called me back, saying someone quit, so i get his position. Fuck you fluxuation governmental job, well "Flux you." восемь. I'm not looking foward to Valentines day, at all, i saw the chick that broke my heart again today for the first time since the 2nd, and she acted like nothing happened between us, which kind of pissed me off. Atleast now i know I have a 0% chance of being with her. I Also ran into her girlfriend today, revert back to numero dos. Yeah, this shit sucks. I need to find someone who is smart, good lookin, can cook, and won't start drama. Nove. I've been really into the bible as of late, it's been getting me through a lot of bullshit. If you want to flame me about it, go ahead, see if i give a fuck. 10. I've been listening to Come Clarity, by In Flames, a LOT lately, i guess it's the way i feel about this girl. I try to avoid sleep, because i can't stop dreaming about her, because when i wake up, i know it's an illusion. rever back to номер восемь. I'm going to post the lyrics |
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1 Fake a Smile
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| fuck you |
[13 Jan 2008|02:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
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annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Fear Facotry - Pisschrist |
] |
i'm getting sick and tired of your bullshit
fuck you
I Love you
I Hate you
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Fake a Smile
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| Life Update, like you give a fuck |
[10 Jan 2008|11:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Deli Creeps - Time |
] |
So, since i usually post here once a week every 6 months ( i gotta fix that habit) i may as well update you fuckers with my life.
1. I work for the Department of State now, i make mad easy money, but my supervisor is a lazy cock, which kinda pisses me off.
2. I got my heart broken recently, yeah, i know, "wow man, you getting your heart broken? wtf?" that's why i don't get attached to shit. Honestly, i think i fel way too hard.
3. I'm headed up to Murland saturday to hang with someone i haven't seen in years. Maybe that will make up for my shitty start to the year.
4. I've learned to properly use grammar and spelling, so fuck you.
5. I've been reading up on the bible, just because of how shitty my life has gotten.
6. 2007 Totally blew my ass, if 2008 isn't much better, i don't know what the fuck i'll do.
7. Oh, i got a Jaguar, as in the car, sexy fuckin shit huh? I'm also buying a new Kawasaki in the near future.
8. I'm starting to miss highschool and all the bullshit it offered, because at least back then, you knew that shit would blow over in days.
9. I recently cut my hair too, well, not really recently anymore, more like mid-december, it's hot shit, i sport it well.
10. I'm starting to get really uncomfortable in familiar places. I have no clue why, maybe it's because i've been fucked over so many times.
11. I quit drinking, it started as a promise to the girl who broke my heart, but, now that i've been sober, i've lost some weight i've been meaning to lose, and i don't get as pissed off as fast, so that's prolly a good thing.
12. Going back to my new job. I get paid well, REALLY well to be honest, but what pisses me off is, money doesn't buy happiness, and that's what i'm short on.
I think i may have forgotten some events, but whatever, i'll go ahead and throw them on a new post if needed l
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2 Fake a Smile
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[10 Jan 2008|02:35am] |
| [ |
mood |
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sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Johnny Cash - Hurt |
] |
i hate being lied to
fuck you
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Fake a Smile
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[13 Mar 2006|02:59am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Deadlock - Awakened By Sirens |
] |
well...
once again i have managed to lose my...
cell phone...
stupid piece of crap...
since im being a lazy ass...
i know i wont be awake until noon...
ish...
i hope it rains tomorrow...
so pancake and i can chill...
and work on some new stuff...
for the band...
ive had this drum beat in my head...
for the longest of time...
and i hope he can write a guitar piece to it...
id be happy...
if he could...
i think im going to go dance...
until i pass out...
goodnight...
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Fake a Smile
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[04 Sep 2005|09:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cold |
] |
meh uncle died today....end
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1 Fake a Smile
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| ... |
[24 Jul 2005|08:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Pissed At Tyler |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Trivium -Pull Harder On The Strings Of Your Martyr |
] |
tyler you fucking suck -.-
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1 Fake a Smile
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| greatest fucking line from a song ever... |
[12 Dec 2004|12:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Circle Takes The Square - Crow Quill |
] |
But gravity - Doesn't grant me
The privlage - of failure
My bough never breaks
I don't stumble into anything
So i climb - and i carve
My intitials - in the bark
With that feather - I found
but its all so contrived
My genes didn't bless me
With the foresight - of a sage
But i know - how this will end
In apologies - and ink on the page
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2 Fake a Smile
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| Safety Pin Heart |
[11 Dec 2004|01:07am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
All That Reamins - Focus Shall Not Fail |
] |
Wrote this while laying in bed
You promised, never to let it go
It shattered, on the floors below
pick them up, get some safety pins
Safety pin it back together again
Place it inside me, once again
starts hurting again, before the count of ten
I pretend im better, pretend im fine
The pain inside me, gets worse in time
My safety pin bound heart bleeds the same
Stuck in my head, its driving me insane
I wish i could bear all the fucking pain
In the longrun your the one to blame
Still pumping, deep inside me
Slower than ever, not the same you see
Death, though the childish way out
Seems, better than to pout
All i can express, full with hate
Builds up in me, at an accelerated rate
Fucking need it to go on, cant have it
Every direction i turn, i reach my limit
My safety pin bound heart bleeds the same
Stuck in my head, its driving me insane
I wish i could bear all the fucking pain
In the longrun your the one to blame
Thoughts of you, keep haunting me
But they also, tend to comfort really
Cant live without, And cant live with
No wonder, so many say this feeling is a myth
I give in, i concede
dont hurt me more, i plead
Want something, i cant have
This story ends, so fucking sad
My safety pin bound heart bleeds the same
Stuck in my head, its driving me insane
I wish i could bear all the fucking pain
In the longrun your the one to blame
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1 Fake a Smile
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